Those are the roads we drove through and those are the places we had been at. Those are which I’ve dreaded to face, to look at how time has shaped them ever since we parted ways. Roads and places that carry our memories. They have us lingering there in the air, longing for one more time to rejuvenate the colors, fill the dried palette and to have us marking them one more time. I’ve always dreaded walking the same roads and where your scent still fills the place and trees still remember our names. But today I found myself driving through a familiar road and heading for a place that is engraved into my memory. I felt your soul floating around and approaching mine. I felt your love heating up my heart and soaking me into memories.
I looked for everything that carries your touch but places had chosen new faces and roads choose to lead to other destinations, yet I still only see the same destination they used to lead to. They betrayed my memory and had you dissolved within those changes. I hoped that they remain untouched by the years, to relive the same moments, to make life much easier when embracing you again in those memories. But things have changed and the places had misshaped the past and taken you away from my present. You are not here anymore to walk with me and I’m not the same person without you.
Those are the places that surrounded us when we were together and those are the places that surround me when you are gone. And between the places’ birth in our lives to the day I abandoned them, I walk them again deprived from you. Those places are my only physical links to a world I loved, to dreams I had and never saw in reality except in my mind. Roads that used to lead to an open space, now have dead ends. Houses that still carry the smell of innocent times, now are awkwardly shaped. But as I close my eyes and travel in my memories, I still can see your face on every corner and I still hear the places echoing your name. Only if you know how hard it is for me to prevent myself from screaming your name.
When the only certainty is change, then I fear the day my heart dwindles with time and decides to change on me, leaving me facing what I can’t experience. I fear that I might see the end of memories. To lose you twice while I’m left grasping for memories to fill my life, that will be the greatest loss of my life. My love, I pray that my heart never beats without your name trembling me. I pray that your memories never stop fueling my heart and I pray that change forgets my path and leave me unchanged, untouched and madly in love with you.
