Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Happy Birthday My Love 2010

Years are passing by and yet this day is my highlight every year, it’s a day like no other in my calendar, the day when I celebrate you when I used to whisper my wishes into your ears. It’s the day that carries soft winds rocking memories in their cradle, and evoking waves of longing to a life that had passed me by with nothing but blank pages that all I’m left with. In this day your memories color the remaining days of the year and even though I’m not there to celebrate your birthday with you, my heart is basking in joy for you, my heart is with you.

I’ve always wondered, how years have been treating you? How gently they've touched your face? And today I found out that you’ve been blessed with motherhood. I’ve been anticipating this day for the last few years and now I’m overwhelmed with rapid flow of memories flooding me, the dream that I've shared with you and to witness the dream that I’ve always wished for is breathtaking, I dreamed of every detail and yet the reality surpasses my imagination. The true happiness in your eyes, the scintillating glow on your face, the loveliest baby bump and the most sparkling smile illuminating your face are tingling my heart with rapture and shaking me with indescribable emotions, it’s in image that will never part me, an image I've always wished to be part of it.

It’s the moment that I would have dearly sacrificed anything to share it with you, to witness your ultimate dream, to know that you’ve had your wish come true. I can hear your laughs and I can feel your joy, had I been there I would’ve showered you with my love.

I knew you were long gone and eventually you’ll be a mother. I’ve often wondered how would your baby look like? Is he as adorable is you? Does he look like you? What did you name him? I know for a fact what a great mother you’ll be, you’ve always been the best with kids and I know how lucky he is to have you as a mother.

I’ve always imagined this moment and the mere thought of it makes my heart skips a beat, but why do tears moist my eyes with intricate emotions that I can’t even comprehend? Why does the sadness creep in and dilute my happiness? Why do I have trouble breathing? Why do I feel life is motionless? Why do I feel entirely paralyzed? Why do I feel that I’ve aged decades in seconds? Why does it feel like the first day we parted? Why do I feel lost in the darkness? Why does my happiness conceal bitterness?
Is it that I’ve always imagined myself as the father of your baby? It is the envious to the father of your child? Is it that I’ll never be the father of your child? Is it the vanished hope? Or is it the crushed dream of being the father of your child

Why does it feel like when we decided to be friends and I ended up miserably? When we thought it will prepare us to deal with the inevitable, when I thought seeing you getting married and happy will vanquish my lost love, when my heart got torn off and ripped to pieces knowing that I’m the living dead and nothing will ever prepare me for my soul departure. I knew you’ll be a mother and contemplated everything but yet I cannot help to taste the bitterness with my joy to witness your dream.

In this year I celebrate you my love and your new born love, the love that had journeyed me far beyond the unknown to a world that I imagined myself wrapped in your arms. In this year I thank you as ever for the joy within me and I thank God for allowing me to see you blessed with the sweetest fruit derived from your gentle seed,
I'll blow a candle knowing that an angel is born and shining your life. Happy birthday to the greatest tale ever told, to the loveliest mother and the final note in the sweetest symphony ever composed, happy birthday my love.