Monday, July 2, 2007

Females' Crippled Mentality


Disclaimer:
This post is merely caused by the frustration of female colleagues "work-wise".
This isn't s racism against feminism but rather what I deduced from my own experience.
If both a guy and a lady on the same management level and carrying work in parallel lines, by some weird means she finds a way to mold it into a fanatical grudge war. Fact is that females are drama queens by nature, and everything revolves around prejudices to feminism which shadows all their actions and every single incident is interpreted accordingly.
I'm so fed up with Kuwaiti females' mentality. Nothing personal against them, and I'm not a racist and shall not raise a war with them. It's just the silly idea which is deeply rooted inside most "not all" girls that the society has not done them justice and bringing up the male-female privileges imbalance to any daily activity. Whenever something goes wrong or does not work out according to the female's expectations, subconsciously comes the ultimate explanation for it, because I AM A FEMALE AND NOT A GUY!!
I'm sick and tired of the repetitive whining, the swelling in personality which grows deeper and deeper, the myth that the guy has all the advantages and girls are being crucified for no apparent reason. Not being able to stand toe-to-toe with guys because the chances are always in guys' preferences. I've seen marvelous female colleagues that work splendidly with massive energy and awesome creativity who excel on many level and each one of them worth a battalion of men, they never seem to be crippled with an awkward idea. Those I admire, salute and feel empowered to have them on a team. As for those I'm frustrated about, why don't you try to spark that in yourself!! Blaming others for your own prejudged disqualifications is nothing but a shallow excuse so you can sleep at night and keep blaming the world for your inadequacies!!
If someone excels over you, it does not mean that you've been overlooked, underrated or being treated with injustice. It's because you have not worked as hard. Do not start complaining about how unfair the management is when all you are doing is laying back and care about nothing but your own prestigious image. Heay, work has to be done, and it will not stop when you are gone. It's not my fault that you slacked and still wanna be in charge of everything. GROW UP please. The world does not revolve around you. It might be for your husband, or your daddy or even your friends, but not when it comes to work.
For your own sake, and people's around you, please MATURE a little bit. When you are being evaluated as mediocre, it is NOT because you are a girl. When you are not being notified with the latest updates, it is NOT because you are a girl; it is because it is NOT GOD DAMN YOUR BUSINESS!!! THINGS ARE BEING REVEALED ON A NEED TO KNOW BASIS!! When you are being slightly scolded when failing to meet a deadline, or being asked to go the extra mile, it is NOT because you a girl, hasn't the idea crossed your blind folded eyes that your boss has cited a potential that isn't being utilized and wishes for you to cultivate it!!
We all have flaws, every single one of us, and I have my share of mistakes, but that doesn't mean that if I'm being noted for such mistakes then all my good work shall be wiped, is it too hard to understand that once it is being brought up to your attention then this is actually improving you by identifying your deficiencies!!! Do you expect an inspiring morning with all your mistakes vividly squinting at you!!
Yes, I am a perfectionist, yes I demand the highest of the highest standards and the limit is the sky. Yes I tend to force extra pressure when needed to shake things up and pinch your day dreams. Try to grasp the concept that if you don't care about your work evaluation, then you must care about the department image which you are representing, the bosses' plans and your team work efforts.
Stop whining when you can throw it in your work and excel above all!! Smash your limits and blow up your imaginary restrained capabilities, free yourself from the locked up mentality, you own it for yourself. Use 10% of your wasted energy on whining and you shall achieve your claimed rights.

15 comments:

  1. Well what I can say I have noticed in this country is that lots of people- especially the women (no offence) want to start from the top instead of actually working their way up!!

    Ridiculous! How do u learn anything that way- everyone has to start somewhere and unless u are either extrmely lucky or have alot of wasta- you should be at the lower ranks in the beginning, just for the sake of experience.

    Girls needing to know everything- well that just runs in our blood! LOL :P
    But in the workplace it seems to be that they feel ignored, not included or just shoved aside, which is stupid, because u are told what u need to know and thats it!!!! Basically its not thir business- like what u were saying---but the mentality can sometimes be a little one sided on that point.

    Anyway when push comes to shove- there are great women out there and if u are lucky enuf to be able to work with the minority then congrats to u.

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  2. Doesn't it seem that it is those women who have got this mentality, are those that slack of and thus end up in 2nd place (or in a similar position) resulting from their behavior, and then they start thinking it is because they are women!

    As you strongly mentioned, it is because of behavior. They should concentrate most of it on achieving rather than whining.

    Actually, if most of the country (men and women) did that, then the whole country's productivity would increase by 10%.. wow, imagine -- scary thought!

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  3. "Blaming others for your own prejudged disqualifications is nothing but a shallow excuse so you can sleep at night and keep blaming the world for your inadequacies!!"

    Well said Touche. And boy, have I met my fair share of these kind of people. And not just at the workplace. Apparently for some people it's less hurtful to blame others for their shortcomings. Self-evaluation is a foreign concept to them.

    Back to workplace topic: If a woman wants her manager to judge her solely based on her merits and not her gender, she herself should first stop focusing on her gender.

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  4. women being "drama queen"...its kind of true and I am a women and it applies to most women. Women in America have the same acting skills! :-)

    Just complement them a couple of time and they melt! Most women do have "appreciation" deficit..so give them some and they will let you live and work in peace :-)

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  5. First of all.. it's not racism.. it's sexism.. racism is not specific to gender..

    I told myself to walk away, but I just had to take on this post and.. try to articulate what I thought...

    Consider your mannerisms the next time you encounter a woman.. I'd like you to compare them to how you are in the company of men.. again do so in the company of a non Kuwaiti female, a non Kuwaiti male... Consider your reactions to your sister, as opposed to your nephew..

    You do not dictate how you will interact with each.. actually.. it's a habit ingrained into generations and generations, who physically, emotionally, financially and culturally "subject" and "oppress." the other.

    We are taught how to interact as.. we are taught how to talk or to read or feed ourselves.. We pay no attention to the subtle variances.. or where the definition of feminine and masculine, Jew and Muslim, black and white..or gay and straight, come from.. or why they conflict as two separate entities..

    It's just socially installed and deemed natural.. Which (in my opinion) brings up a need to align one's self to the set barriers, as by being the norm, they are not breaking any societal "laws".

    One's ability to work in an unbiased environment is almost impossible, as we all assume the biases as natural..(and I don't mean blatant biases.. I mean the physical barriers of ones "gendered appearance" .. and how that effects how others interact with them.) We make excuses for them... our prejudices.. as phrenology claimed afro bone structure meant a criminal mentality.. we try to make it apart of nature.. thus gods will.. therefore set in its ways.

    "Fact is that females are drama queens by nature, and everything revolves around prejudices to feminism which shadows all their actions and every single incident is interpreted accordingly" - By saying women are "naturally" drama queens, and that feminism is merely their way to vent their emotional instabilities in the context of social sciences.. well.. don't you think that such a generalization is why feminism exists? I'm not saying it's not abused.. but, who really looks into the true definition of the word feminism? Not many women.. and not enough men. I promise you women are not naturally emotional drama queens.. they have proven themselves over and over through the years.. yet you still emphasizes the same primitive sexism coined at the very start of patriarchy.. as far back as social history can go.. (it's a loaded accusation..)

    A Kuwaiti boss could (& sadly usually would) prefer the Kuwaiti employee over the non Kuwaiti... for the sake of comparisons.. also contemplate how a boss reacts to ones social identity based on class, family and/or nationality.. (lets not be gender specific.. it's the bigger picture that makes it clearer.)

    We have a caste system based on the socially assigned privileges.. and a privilege is granting one group in society a civil option, not presented to the unprivileged; thus "othering" them based on their inabilities to gain said privilege.. even though it is not their inabilities that prevent them..

    For example, as male.. you can assume that you will see your gender represented through the professional, governmental, religious and scholarly spheres.. a voice you can identify with.. an image that resembles yourself.. Imagine if you will, being the gender that is rarely represented.. you claim it is up to the women to represent themselves.. but can you conclude that the majority of women just assumed they would be subjected thus not attempt it?

    I'm a Kuwaiti woman who plans on rebelling the norm as much as possible.. Although, I will not pretend it will be easy.. As a female, I am set to a very rigid path of binaries.. How do you go against the social norms without being attacked?

    We have in Kuwait, as we do all over the world a gendered society.. therefore, we have the presence of a "glass ceiling."

    "I've seen marvelous female colleagues that work splendidly with massive energy and awesome creativity who excel on many level and each one of them worth a battalion of men,"

    Note your language.. You say you've seen female's who are more than able to take on a Male.. because you state such a claim.. you confirm the notion at women, on average, aren't able to be equal to males in the working environment.. and these "rare" women are able..

    Now.. what I have to end with, is an apology.. for having experiencing the abuse of "feminism".. The ignorance, and the desire to hide behind the label, gives the movement a bad name.. when really it does more than give "women" civil liberties.. it also tackles racism, classism, homophobia.. etc..

    I'm going to assume, that your colleague did in fact slack and not put in as much as an effort.. and I hope you aren't just counter reacting her fuss of sexism with a critique of feminism..

    Bottom line.. I just wanted to help you reanalyze the sometimes invisible prejudices..

    Especially as you are male.. although, you have your own set of prejudices to deal with.. you never will truly understand the reality for a woman.. and I'm sorry but Kuwait is sexist, and it's not the easiest place for anyone...

    I hope I left you with a new perspective on gender.. and maybe made you look at things with a grain of salt..

    (p.s. challenge women who claim discrimination.. you never know what they have to say.. and remember.. it is the discriminator that has to change the reality for the discriminated.. :))

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  6. someones pissed at us girls :P

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  7. >> NoNoWa:

    Indeed, wanting to start at the peak of their carrier life is a symptom for both Kuwaiti guys and girls. Wanting to hold the world's strings by their fingertips is a must in their (both) twisted mentality.
    You do catch my sentiment precisely, they are magnificent women if they choose to be, it's a waste of god talent to let it go down the drains like that.
    You do miss those active and creative girls who can literary make miracles.

    >> N:
    Absolutely love it " Actually, if most of the country (men and women) did that, then the whole country's productivity would increase by 10%.. wow, imagine -- scary thought! " I can't even imagine it 
    Exactly, they don't even have to say the words "Because I'm a woman!!". It just feels natural to them to blame it to sick society mentality (which is true) when they fail. They fail to isolate the work environment from society when it is all fair and square.

    >> Magical Droplets:
    I wish that it is that easy by simply indicating that gender isn't an issue and everyone will grasp the concept and start seizing the potentials in themselves. I wish everyone start focusing on their qualities and boost themselves up.

    >> Frieda:
    I don't mind them being drama queens as they cannot control it based on their estrogen hormone which boosts the emotional sensitivity.
    I've been trying to charge up their spirits with complements, best employee of the month certificates and encouraging them to complete the tasks with the way they see fit to allow some sort of creativity. It works with some of them. But interpret it with jealousy and finding any excuse to eliminate the logic reason for such encouragement.
    My main issue is with female coworkers who are in the same management level, who just blame everything on "Because I'm a female" basis. Who wants to know every single details about others daily jobs. Who wants to live in the spot lights forever just because they once used to be a hard worker and now they want to sit back and enjoy a too early retirement while having all sorts of control on everything. They take it too personal if a guy excels above them, and may get their hands dirty by trying to convince higher management to take over your tasks and try to eliminate you. It gets too silly and childish when everything she plans to get fail and doesn't even answer you back when you say good morning!!
    It's not my problem if you choose to cast yourself aside and yet blame me or the management for feeling that you have been frozen!! Hell, my manager is a lady and if any bias exists then she would've chosen you over me based on your the naïve explanation!
    It would've been highly productive if she starts to cooperate to achieve management targets. She's got all the qualities for an excellent leader but yet wants to sit back and do nothing while day dreaming about how powerful she is.

    >> Kuwaiti Femme:

    First, thank you for your reply. It seems that you had poured your emotions into it.

    A much-elaborated reply. I don't know what has triggered you, was it the title? Or mixing up feminism with sexism?

    I don't know whether to break down your reply and answer each part consecutively or just simply write down a brief reply.

    Apart from the fact that you have missed the essence of my post, and apart from the defensive reaction and apart from taking my sentences out of context, I shall reply to your points.

    Thank you for enlightening me for my mistake in using feminism over sexism, a lesson well learned.

    I shall consider my mannerisms the next time I encounter a woman!! Though I have no idea where did this come from!!

    If you haven't noticed that my post was merely work related. I did not mention anything regarding interacting with them. I don't know why, but I felt like you are indicating a problem with me dealing with them and living with them!! I'm not promoting a man's world idea!! It has noting to do with women rights!!!!

    You do not need to be to impulsive and defensive, I'm not against feminism and girls overall!! It's just the idea of blaming others for their inadequacies for the fact that they are females!!
    I do agree and stress on the fact that society isn't ideal at all and many examples prove that sexism rules work environment. But when you are presented with a fair environment then do not bring up the idea that society has done females injustice and continues to be when you slack at your work!! I don't think it is fair to the people who are trying to correct the skewed ideas by embracing the correct attitudes.

    My example of brilliant female coworkers isn't pointing out a rare layer of females, you make it sound like a loaded phrase through a skeptical eyes. I wanted to point out that once a female puts her mind up a specific task then not even a group of men can equally achieve it. It was meant to boost one's self as they have the potentials and all the need to do is focus more on the work being presented not on social fairness!! It would be much easier for people to communicate if they assume good intentions and stop to waste their time trying to interpret sentences as they see fit. Just take it as it is plain and clear. Call me naïve, simpleton or old fashioned but I do believe in people's goodness. When I said that I've seen and worked with girls worth a battalion of men, that doesn't mean that they are rarely excelling and representing a rare breed!! I'm using the same female mentality, he is excelling and I'm not because I'm a woman and he is A MAN!! Notice the key word "man" so if I say a woman worth a 1000 man then I'm merely using the same concept to clear out the idea.

    Yes it is a biased society, it is a biased world, but that doesn't mean that there are no exceptions. You do not go along in your life assuming everything is biased and living a conspiracy theory.

    Clearly I did hit a tangible nerve but please try to re-read it without any prejudice and you shall find out that it's been extravagated and skewed to a level far beyond the post's point.

    Finally, thank you for your input, which is highly appreciated and enlightening.

    >> Perfect Stranger:

    :)
    Someone is pissed at people who waste their talent on none sense.

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  8. You have not posted for a while. Hope all is well. I hope you have not been attacked by any female over there :-)

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  9. My first time visit...
    won't be my last...

    I'll keep watching...




    very interesting! ;)

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  10. Both you and the Kuwaiti Femme (have you read her blog) made excellent points. And you are not necessarily in conflict, just reflecting different perspectives. Two very intelligent people discussing a difficult transition!

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  11. >> Frieda:

    :-D

    I've been around just ducking till the storm is over ;)

    >> 3abeer:

    Welcome to my blog, I'm flattered.

    >> Intlxpatr:

    Thank you for your remarks, I've gone through her posts to know what's behind such a post, some intelligent posts indeed.

    We're just lost in translation, each with different perspective, what seems an argument is in fact two independent topics.

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  12. wow..
    smart post

    and i know exactly the type ur talking about

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  13. >> palo-girl:

    I'm sure many can relate :)

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  14. you're so right,but this (i am not a guy) exclamation goes right if the female wants from all her heart to do something that she cannot do because soceiety dislike the sound of it[only in Kuwait], even if it is for work, for experience or even personal satisfaction. what you said as an exclamation out of laziness can also be -on a different level- a desire to work more.

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  15. >> Deema:

    Interesting point of view that I do agree with. It can be applied only if the person has not been granted many previous opportunities to achieve such prospective.

    It is sad to see such potentials wasted down the drain because of pure laziness and the illusion of males conspiracy empowering theory.

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