Over the lonely years, my powers to relive our memories fade and at the end they exist intensely only when I’m down and unguarded. The moments when I’m the weakest and the moments when I’m physically exhausted and mentally drained those are the moments when my guards are shattered by longing to you. Those are the moments when my emotional famine screams for you and I hit the grounds. Where empty circles are my roads and shallow lanes are my grounds. Heads over heals is my life and a broken compass is my guide. Your emotions penetrating my veins and pouring your love in my blood stream releasing my imprisoned soul to cause havoc within. Causing the ups and downs, the rise and fall of nonstop longing paralyzing my senses and numbing my mind, My own opium that stirs years of love and unleash the magic within to mist my feelings and senses. Taking me to a detached reality, to another world where our hearts are joined and our eyes locked on each other. The magic of reviving your voice, echoing your laughter and the warmth of your breathe that comforts my soul with the miracle of me being in your arms and you pierce my darkness with your light.
That’s me when I’m drained, can’t walk tall any longer and stillness is my solace in your absence. Have I survived the sudden shrinking of my world, I end up with bitterness in heart and I sometimes cling to my sanity edge and watch my spirit departing me. And that’s my love is my altered sense of perception without you.
What’s with those moments of weakness when I just watch myself fall apart in your absence and struggle to put back the pieces together? You’ve always been the glue that kept me intact. And now when the heart moans for one more touch, one more whisper is when I know that falling will be the only option left for me. Days get tougher and nights get lonelier when I’m deprived from your scents. I crumble in weakness and long for that tenderness that used to wrap me in its warmth. I’ve been too addicted to your fingers running in my hair and your shoulders offering me the shelter that I desperately need. It has always been you, and that my lost love is what still lets me steer away from letting others offer me comfort.
Every time I fall, it takes me longer to recover, and harder to fight back the urge to stay down embracing the soothing warmth of the grounds, when I'm surrounded with nothing but you. Where I summon up my memories and close my eyes as time stands still and all my nostalgia are swallowed in these moments. Melting into the wilderness of my thoughts, watching hope fading into horizon and living and enormous loss that they make me feel so vulnerable and innocuous where I should remain silent and still.
Only if I can dream at will again, you'll always be there.
Only if I can breathe again, your scent will always be there.
Only if I can hold you again, you'll always be there.
Only if I can live again, you'll always be there.
Only if and only you, that how it goes and that's how it's been and will always be.
My love, your love consumes me and your memories shall inherit me.
