A Radio Show

Listening to FM station, it was near midnight, a poem was being recited by a voice that was pretending warmth and serenity. I felt like listening to some eloquent poems to revive my soul. As I was listening to them, it turned out to be one of those late night love programs. I've heard about such programs and how they get more popular everyday. People tuning the frequency and awaiting to listen to others' sad stories. Maybe because it lessens the pain they endure witnessing much harsher tragedies.

As I waited for the next poem, callers started to join the show with deep sighs, teary voices and bleeding words. Everyone pouring their hearts out. They were tormented with their hearts ripped out of their chests. Swallowed by their sadness, embraced by loneliness and wore their hearts on their sleeves.

I've always wondered what makes someone goes on a national radio in a small country like Kuwait and publicly spell the heart out!! They must be desperately hopeless and the pain is beyond imagination to take such route. I've always found it tremendously hard to share my pains with my closest ones, how does it make the heartbeat smoother if I start spreading my news!! I guess each has his own approach. I can't stop my imaginations from conceiving the possibility that the other person is actually listening, how might he/she feels? What would happen? Does it really work? Sometimes the wild imagination draws the scenarios and pictures the scenes for the couple being back together again. (Bad technique as this procedure might swell your heartache)

I've always thought that the majority of callers are teenagers who magnify their pain, picturing it as the end of the world. You could predict ages from their voices, they sounded in their late twenties and some even in their early forties. You could hear their weeping hearts and feel the weight of their wounded tears.

I've come to realize that real love exists scarcely nowadays, and it is not possible to find someone who truly and ultimately loves you for who you are and accepts your flaws. It is becoming more and more of a exterminated breed of emotions as almost everyone is turning unto materialistic and egotistical figures especially with the younger generations.

It was like a cold shower that hit me, that there are still people haven't been affected yet, who embrace their hearts and express their emotions freely. It was the rise for the hope that people can still connect to their hearts and allow their emotion to flow into their veins which ironically made me smile despite the sad nature of their stories that real emotions prevails.

Their stories unleash your demons and work as the flash point for your agonies to be ignited. Indeed I couldn't imagine the pain they are going through that may force them to expose their life to all listeners and jeopardizing their identities, they were mostly helpless and some even hopeless. The pain was unbearable as their universe is shattering into pieces. It is those moments that bring us back to the basics, that we are all humans, who are as vulnerable as daisies to the wind and who are always emotionally immature when it comes to heartaches. Sometimes life's whirlwind sucks the life out of us and leave us emotionally drained and wilted, it makes us believe that we can skip the heartbeat and control its pulses. It is when we hit rock bottom that makes us realize how desperate, how weak we are and how human we are.

They were representing the last people who could relate to their hearts and were willing to tell the world how much they are madly in love. I pray for them to end their miseries as I take a bow and raise my hat saluting them all for being attached to their hearts, living it to the utmost and for stirring my emotions.

Future

At some point, future has to start somehow. Regardless of all factors and whether I contribute in it or not, it shall start at any point. Deny it? Won't work anymore. Trying to create the future itself, it doesn't work that way. Time shall keep running through me, I can't keep up with it anymore, lacking both motivation and energy.

I wonder how's that going to end like. I catch my breathes and try to recollect my missing parts trying to obtain what once seemed to be a clear idea. As I watch it fly by me and imagining that it's just a pause to rest. Its actually starting without me when its about me!!

I keep thinking of how rusty my mind must be!! It can't pass a certain point, a certain way of life, and certain emotions. Is it really rusty or am I holding myself back? I've always been able to point out my destination and sculpt my plans. Always been able to think a mile ahead, but not anymore. How did I end up so much attached to the remains of the day? Damn you my dreams, you hooked me up with a fragile idea exposed by time, or was it exposed by itself? Maybe it couldn't take it anymore, couldn't contain it and had to break free.

Future has to start anyway, what used to be my future is no longer mine, what had to be my future is definitely not mine anymore. If future is starting everyday for someone at any given point of time, then today was my future at some vanished day. And today time has to balance it out by drawing a new future for me. I didn’t choose this layout and am not going to choose one now.

The ship has left the port and sailor's sight is aimed to a new horizon wondering about what shape shall this starting future form, either I keep hugging the shore or take the next leaving ship.
Is it time to start sailing to an unknown destination? Am I ready to cut myself loose.I choose to stay and watch you sail, as I am a bad swimmer. I choose to live it this way. If future has to start somehow, then it better start without me this time, as I had my share.

If this is all going to be just a memory then I am myself choose to be a standing memory, a milestone to an old future and a witness to the next future. I choose to live, not die, and this is how I choose to live.