Silppery Road

How can you sleep at night? How can you sleep at night knowing that you’ve wronged someone? How can you sleep at night knowing that you’ve taken what’s rightfully not yours? How can you sleep at night knowing that you’re walking a slippery road?

How is it possible to have the ends justifying the means for every selfish impulse? How is it possible to be guilt free and indulge in peace of mind when the conscience is screaming for life support?

It’s a pivotal moment when someone’s morals are on the stake when all of the sudden all that used to be corner stones for one’s life are measured up the definitive test. I’ve always felt that distinguishing what’s right from wrong and acting accordingly is so simple, but the truth is that taking the wrong path is too tempting to decide on a blink of an eye.

I’ve had a dilemma lately and had to make up my mind alone to see how I will act. I had to test myself and see if I’ll live up to my morals, it was a decision I needed to take it solely fighting a long and exhausting struggle for the past weeks, when I found myself on a shiny shelf with a neat price tag to box my ethics and send them to a forgotten island. I’ve been actually priced! All that I am comes down to this moment to find out how solid my basis are. I knew that I had to go through it alone; I needed to mark my way and engrave my stand.

I confess, it was alluring to take that first step to accept the indecent proposal which had been offered with a fancy name for a conspicuous bribe with myriad of excuses justifying it. It's strange how principles get intertwined as people get older and how elusive the facts are when they are disguised in great sincere intentions, I had to fight the restlessness at night and discomfort breathes because I knew that new doors are being added to my path as I advance, when shutting a door is actually opening a thousand others and I had to choose the right door. I knew what is the right thing to do and what I should be doing, I knew I had too much at the stake and all that I’ve worked hard to achieve probably might be taken away from me and I knew that when an offer comes through my boss, it sends a clear message. I knew, but still it wasn’t easy as I would presume it to be. I knew it is a slippery road with no turning back point and a single step shall be followed with many others. In a path where the sky is the limit I shall crawl with my first step and not much later I shall fly. I knew that one step further to access easy money is actually one step away from my soul and one more piece of me evaporating. I knew that I shall be lost forever and I couldn't forgive myself for that. I don’t want to fail myself; I don’t want to live with a new guilt that starts to eat whatever left of me and I don't want to lose myself.

As crucial the fight as pleasant it did feel when I had done the right thing, when I could sleep at night knowing that I haven’t lost myself, when I clearly stated that I can’t work in fishy environment and it is not me who walks that twisted path. I knew that I did the right thing but I blame myself for not being able to dismiss the idea promptly and it is the guilt that I have to carry with me and endure hoping that next time it shall be easier for me to sleep at night.

The Inheritance of Blame

I do not comment on political topics and this post isn't one, it relates more to the human side effects of a political situation.

The current situation is boiling and patriotism is the new hot topic of the week. Amazing how diverse hot topics we have in comparison to our small population and relatively minor accomplishments.

Though the treason accusations are being thrown like there is no tomorrow and regardless of the validations and reasons for such demeaning acts, many actions have been suggested to set an example for whomever steps on our unity. Among those actions, is the demand to drop the Kuwaiti nationality from the infamous MPs.

We have all the right to be patriots, to protect years of accumulated gains and to prevent anything that may penetrate our united country. But as per Kuwaiti Nationality law, children are being granted the Kuwaiti nationality by inheritance from their father. So if we ask the government to drop Kuwaiti nationalities then we are actually taking away their kids nationality and producing a new breed of non Kuwaitis which had nothing to do with their parents acts. I've skimmed the newspapers and failed to notice anything related to the consequences of any of the suggested demands.

I know the situation is severe but don’t those kids deserve a pause to think about them and to protect them and their rights from the consequences of such demands. We are bursting and it seems that we are growing less and less rational lately. Are we allowed to force them to seek a new home, a new identity and a new nationality when the only place they know is Kuwait?

We inherit the genes, the debts and the family name, but we do not inherit the consequences of our parents’ actions and their believes. I know some may argue that those seeds are corrupted and shall result with nothing but corrupted plants. And those kids are probably brain washed and totally soaked with their parents’ thoughts and ideologies. But are we allowed to play God and destroy their lives? to leave them wandering with no future and no purpose?

I couldn’t care less for the MPs as they shall reap what they sow, but if we are asking to drop the Kuwaiti nationality from them for the best interest of our country then let us take the necessary lawful preventions for the sake of those innocent kids who are blamed for nothing but being born with such parents.

Bloggers End

For whatever reason drives someone to blog and share own thoughts, events and emotions. At some level and to some degree it revolves around therapeutic writing. And as with every successful therapy, comes a healing to end it. Which makes me wonder how long does it take for the effects to kick in?

How many bloggers have chosen to abandon their blogs when they felt that it's the right time. I'm not talking about impulsive blogs that come and disappear or those who wants to give it a shot, I'm talking about those who are committed to their blogs, who gave their heart and soul to it and once they reach their saturation point, off they go.

How many bloggers are there in everyone's list who aren't active anymore, who have stopped abruptly, some have had their share of farewells and some felled from the face of blog-o-sphere and walked away.

I've been told by a friend that writing might be the perfect solution for my lack of venting and to avoid explosion, I do spell my emotions into posts that are saved as drafts and most probably won't be posted until I reach a cooling point, just having them out of my chest might ease it a little bit.

Then when does it end if a relief isn't achieved? When blogging starts to turn into an addiction, to a constant urge for that emotional adrenaline shot to keep things balanced and slowly developing new needs & new habits which start to take over. And instead of being imprisoned with certain emotions, people are imprisoned in posts.

How many out there think they've been cured and are ready to quit and vanish? How long does it take for a blog to die? What does it take to turn your back for your blog? How long will it last? How long will I last?

Junk SMS

Nothing against congratulating messages which keep popping up into mobiles in any occasion. But it gets really absurd to have all sorts of messages streaming all day long. I don't mind receiving them from those who are abroad but from those who can just pick up the phone and initiate the call it becomes really irritating.

I have no idea what's the purpose of sending those messages to all the contacts in phone's memory whilst not knowing exactly to whom they are being sent.

And what's with the relatively new trend by typing down the sender's name at the end of the message. Is it because they think that the receiver might not recognize them and sometimes not even the number. I bet most of those messages are sent without any clue of whom are getting them, just a number stored, nothing but mere digits and there is a great possibility that the number isn't in use anymore!!

Not having the time to make such calls isn't really a substantial reason for not making the call, the cliché that it’s a busy life isn't valid, a call will take less than five minutes and you can always make those calls during the day, or the least you can do is to write a personal message, Not just some junk forward texts.

You only get them in special occasions from some numbers that you might have totally forgotten about. It even sometimes gets really silly that you get them from unknown numbers because you have erased them and you only recognize them by the sender's name at the end and you know for certain you've just been junk messaged.

Sometimes I surmise about such messages, does the sender really remember me? does the sender know if I'm still using the same mobile number? Does the sender know that it has been sent to me? I know for sure that I haven't got a call from that number, I know for sure that if that name hasn't been typed I'd never guess the sender's identity.

Call me old fashion but I feel ashamed from sending such messages when I just can call them, I mean isn't that the purpose of the message, to say that you are being remembered, to congratulate you and wish you well!! The call really puts a value to it, unlike a text message which has been sent by mistake by choosing all contacts in the list!!

Irony, you receive messages from all kinds of people yet not even a word from those who you yearn for every single day. And still waiting.

Females' Crippled Mentality

Disclaimer:
This post is merely caused by the frustration of female colleagues "work-wise". This isn't s racism against feminism but rather what I deduced from my own experience.

If both a guy and a lady on the same management level and carrying work in parallel lines, by some weird means she finds a way to mold it into a fanatical grudge war. Fact is that females are drama queens by nature, and everything revolves around prejudices to feminism which shadows all their actions and every single incident is interpreted accordingly.

I'm so fed up with Kuwaiti females' mentality. Nothing personal against them, and I'm not a racist and shall not raise a war with them. It's just the silly idea which is deeply rooted inside most "not all" girls that the society has not done them justice and bringing up the male-female privileges imbalance to any daily activity. Whenever something goes wrong or does not work out according to the female's expectations, subconsciously comes the ultimate explanation for it, because I AM A FEMALE AND NOT A GUY!!

I'm sick and tired of the repetitive whining, the swelling in personality which grows deeper and deeper, the myth that the guy has all the advantages and girls are being crucified for no apparent reason. Not being able to stand toe-to-toe with guys because the chances are always in guys' preferences. I've seen marvelous female colleagues that work splendidly with massive energy and awesome creativity who excel on many level and each one of them worth a battalion of men, they never seem to be crippled with an awkward idea. Those I admire, salute and feel empowered to have them on a team. As for those I'm frustrated about, why don't you try to spark that in yourself!! Blaming others for your own prejudged disqualifications is nothing but a shallow excuse so you can sleep at night and keep blaming the world for your inadequacies!!

If someone excels over you, it does not mean that you've been overlooked, underrated or being treated with injustice. It's because you have not worked as hard. Do not start complaining about how unfair the management is when all you are doing is laying back and care about nothing but your own prestigious image. Heay, work has to be done, and it will not stop when you are gone. It's not my fault that you slacked and still wanna be in charge of everything. GROW UP please. The world does not revolve around you. It might be for your husband, or your daddy or even your friends, but not when it comes to work.

For your own sake, and people's around you, please MATURE a little bit. When you are being evaluated as mediocre, it is NOT because you are a girl. When you are not being notified with the latest updates, it is NOT because you are a girl; it is because it is NOT GOD DAMN YOUR BUSINESS!!! THINGS ARE BEING REVEALED ON A NEED TO KNOW BASIS!! When you are being slightly scolded when failing to meet a deadline, or being asked to go the extra mile, it is NOT because you a girl, hasn't the idea crossed your blind folded eyes that your boss has cited a potential that isn't being utilized and wishes for you to cultivate it!!

We all have flaws, every single one of us, and I have my share of mistakes, but that doesn't mean that if I'm being noted for such mistakes then all my good work shall be wiped, is it too hard to understand that once it is being brought up to your attention then this is actually improving you by identifying your deficiencies!!! Do you expect an inspiring morning with all your mistakes vividly squinting at you!!

Yes, I am a perfectionist, yes I demand the highest of the highest standards and the limit is the sky. Yes I tend to force extra pressure when needed to shake things up and pinch your day dreams. Try to grasp the concept that if you don't care about your work evaluation, then you must care about the department image which you are representing, the bosses' plans and your team work efforts.

Stop whining when you can throw it in your work and excel above all!! Smash your limits and blow up your imaginary restrained capabilities, free yourself from the locked up mentality, you own it for yourself. Use 10% of your wasted energy on whining and you shall achieve your claimed rights.

Unconditional Love

I just can't absorb the idea of conditional love, there isn't such a thing as a conditional love. It just doesn't make sense to me, how can love be conditional in the first place!! It is interesting that some may adopt the concept of "Conditional Love"!!

The nature of love is to be unconditional, to totally fall head over heals, to levitate and fully give and not wait for a return, refunds do not exist, to willingly compromise to keep moving, to ultimately unite and witness each other's lives and to accept each others flaws.

Love is pure and simple, the love of your best friend, the love siblings, the parental love and any form that love may take. We are humans and that is unconditional, there aren't states for conditional feelings, breathes, or even the heart beats. Those are emotions, no one can govern such intangibles, those aren't attitudes or actions that one might cultivate or change it according to circumstances. We do not add attributes to the equation in order to steer it as we wish.

I love you for who you are, for what you resemble, for everything that you are and everything that you do, for yourself. I ain't having conditions to change the way I feel!! I love you and that's it. Love isn't complicated and isn't an object to shape it the way we see fit. What would this world turn to be if we start to apply restrictions to our emotions and specially when it comes to love!!!

Why would someone apply conditions for emotions, I just don't get it. Who was it that brought up the idea of unconditional love as love itself isn't that in its absolute meaning. You do give and you do occasionally get, we change, we evolve and we adapt with our loved ones changes.

We love and we hate, and there are moments when love might seem isn't in its right place, but we don't switch it off or shift it to the other channel. Disagreements may rise but it doesn't effect our true emotions at all, it doesn't mean we should love less turn the knob into another channel. Gray areas do not exist in love, emotions either fall in love category or permanently placed in another segment. Even if the one we love develops new habits and change in attitude, we still love them for what they used to be and guide them back if they ever stray. In our ups and downs we endeavor into one fact that we shall never in any circumstances overlook our emotions.

There are no exceptions and no extreme cases for love to be conditional, it simply loses its ultimate meaning if that is the case. Even if by some miraculous way one might be drained out of love, it just doesn't mean that there are conditions, it simply takes another form and then it resurrects all over again. If it doesn't, then it wasn't love, it was something entirely different.

Human Oppositions

He was is his mid forties with an intriguing feeling around him, a radiant of intelligence shines from him with a sophisticated look empowered with frame-less spectacles, silver gray hair scattering foolishly on his forehead.

He walked through the crowd heading to the boarding gate. You cannot miss it, the way he confidently walks with slow sturdy steps. A great sense of elegance from down his shoes up to the slightly loosed baby blue tie. Just few meters from the gate, stands the smoking booth as a forgotten hut in the midst of a main street rush hour. As he approached it, he reached into his pocket maintaining his rythmatic steps, snapped a cigarette with a graceful fingers. His hands abruptly glowed with flames as he effortlessly torched the silver shining lighter with a magician hands.

His eyes rolled over the glass booth with a shadow of a smirk on his face, with the end of his lighter, her pressed the sliding door button preserving his neat hands. His eyes wandering through the foggy air, stared at the ventilation exhaust for a moment and stood firmly right beside the glass door. As the end tip of his cigarette flickers between his lips creating the effect of a shooting star on a cloudy winter day. He leaned gently on the glass wall with his shoulder, allowing his arm immersing in the smoky room. And moving his hand randomly drawing sketches on thick air with his smoke. He was gazing endlessly through the door. Inhaling with rapture, as each breathe is his last. Exhaling slowly as if he is savoring the air out.

He kept smoking and his cigarette started to wither. Taking glances to the full room with his smoking comrades between every few inhales. Raising his head slowly between inhales the way you try to smell the trees after the rain with all your senses. His smirk was the lightning through the smoke.

I was bewildered with his smirk, finally I understood the reason behind it. He was blowing out the smoke into the room and inhaling fresh air through the opened sliding glass door. The leaning on the glass wasn't pointless, wasn't a random gesture!! He kept the button pressed with his shoulder and kept the door unlocked to keep inhaling uncontaminated air. Smirking at his comrades, as if he had the elixir of life. His smirk turned into a widened smile as he left the booth imprisoning the smoke again in the booth and his sturdy steps lead him to his boarding gate!!

I smiled as I witnessed the human oppositions, as how can one not only proclaim to be virtuous , but actually manage to act like one when doing the exact opposite thing. It's a notch higher than being a hypocrite, since you are not pretending, but instinctively developing the ability to have discrepancies and believe they are well justified if not one!! They start to define you and actually be part of who you are.

How many of us do carry those human oppositions among themselves and allegedly adopt them as a normal attitudes. We've been created with both sides of the equation, to carry discrepancies with our lives. We own both sides of the equation and well acknowledge the elements, many attributes contribute into effecting the direction of the equation. Maybe its the mind vs. soul that drive us into such quirky paths.

Many examples rushed into my mind to fit the segment, and I was amazed as how many people I knew who developed such an attitude.