Kuwaiti's Newlyweds Tactics

Disclaimer: The post is based on actual conversations and doesn't necessary reflects my opinion.


The following is a result of repetitive conversations between any guy who's planning to get married (traditionally) and a group of married guys with the guidelines of dealing with a new marriage as proposed and extracted from their experience. It's a controversial topic to tackle and married guys are the only ones who are entitled to apprehend it accurately.


Married guys tend to advice bachelors who plan to get married by providing them with a set of rules and tactics.

As shockingly and provocative as it might sound to many (specially girls) the first rule is to assume that the girl is naive no matter how educated and intellectual she is. There are exceptions, but better be safe than sorry by assuming that and dealing accordingly.

To make it clearer. No matter how smart a girl is, first and foremost during the first days of engagement is to say NO without offering any apparent reason because no matter how convincing you are, you'll never win an argument due to the very simple reason that a girl shall always drift you into non rational dimensions. She'll never give up and shall elude you by leading you to her maze of thoughts. Sha'll drain your energy till you give up and say "OK" for sake of dropping off the topic and out of frustration.

Just say some few NOs without any explanation from the beginning so when the shit hits the fan you might use it and save yourself a week of headache. The girl won't nag for an explanation for irrational requests if she knows that sometimes a "no" is just a "no". A girl's perspective is never as a man's perspective and she'll never grasp the things you might see, so save yourself the trouble and use the magical word. (this advice has been emphasized to those who tend to debate and discuss everything logically and trying to convince the other party, as you can't convince someone who is mostly emotional and hormonal with high dependency on mothers, sisters and friends to formulate opinions).

A girl is a gifted natural negotiator with stacks of arguments, so never try to outsmart her in her own field, yet don't be a herded sheep. She loves her ideas and you can almost always convince her with your idea by managing to make it look like it's all hers. Simply let her reach that idea by her own while you pave the way.

Always clearly state the things you care about which are essential to you and never try to hide them or even rectify them. If you love fishing a lot, admit it. If you are a soccer fanatic, say it out loud. If you think that friends gatherings are sacred (dewaneya) then spell it out. You don't want to argue "you didn't say so".

And always make it up to her in every possible way, don't go too far in perusing your habits over her expenses. Give her her fair share of time, show interest in her essentials and try to indulge her. Always dedicate that time completely to her with no interruptions whatsoever. Then and only then, you are allowed to have your time with no worries and guilt. Just try to balance it out. Marriage doesn't mean slicing yourself from your old life completely, it's a matter of balance, understanding & priorities.

A crucial tactic is trying to be crude in the early days of engagement, not to be too easy going, looking all cute and acting so romantically. Just try to manifest your bad sides and never the other way around. Don't go over the fence with it and get carried away but try to resemble your bad days and gloomy moods. Let her get a taste of what might she be facing in one of those bad days. It's drawing the first image phase. Girls are proned to remind you of every single change and incident in your life and act like a breathing reminder with the most lovable line "You've changed a lot since we got married". The thing is that girls fail to realize that you can't always be in a great mood, funny, open for discussions and listening to her girly complaints.

If you show your bright side first (without pretending something you are not) then you'll always be compared to that first image you helped to draw. The idea is to let her adapt and totally accept your negative sides (nothing outrageous) so when you are both on for the rest of your lives, she'll manage to deal with you and won't say "You've never been like that before". It's a way to make a girl know that there is plenty of good sides in your bucket than those down times, to have that first image backing you up in case subconsciously she refers to it.

Always show your jealousy in a reasonable scale and never try to cut her from her old life. She's always had her own circle of friends and habits and you must accept them and don't enforce changes unless they don't fit a marriage life style.

Show that you care about things that thrills her and bring it up every once in a while to show that you do care even if you are not interested in a certain topic.

A girl is molded with a nagging potion that you can't break, accept it and deal with it. Don't fight it back specially if you have short tolerance to nagging and with tantrums tendency. It's the way they are, they've been designed in that way and you have to take the whole package.

Those are some of the tactical guidelines that keep popping up for every new possible groom. Lots of whispers and plenty of plans.

P.S.

After hearing those advices, a single thought bugged me, it's too complicated to follow. It's supposed to be spontaneous, sure there are compromises, sacrifices and adjusting. But I've always felt it's supposed to be much simpler.

P.P.S.

Apart from the content, I love the scene when a poor friend who's about to get married gets cornered by the married wolves pack and they start feeding him all the necessary information to insure the success of the marriage while all outsiders (singles) are kept aside with no chance to offer anything. All eyes are on him and he's trying to grasp as much data as possible and not being able to voice his opinion. It's download time for him not processing time.
It amuses me and always reminds me of "Khalti Gmasha" when So'ad Abdullah ges to live with her in-laws and on the first day she has to swallow all the crapped rules from Mariam Al-Saleh & Mariam Al-Ghadhban :)