It’s just one more birthday gone, one more candle burnt out longing for you. It’s a different birthday where I dedicate over a decade to you watching years slipping away and your love growing immensely, as people age your memories shine and glow. Memories that turned into an organ attached to me and I can’t detach from them. A life lived while I grow older; a timeless love while I’m standing still and my time is passing me by. I'm grateful for that, the lively reminding moments breathing delight into my world. They make me cherish every day I live allowing me to color my world. Your presence into my life was the miracle and your departure is the mystery, for all I know that your love was my divine gift for which I'm forever thankful.
What’s told is much less than the real event. Everything I see, everything I hear, every single universe momentum screams with your name. Even if I choose to ignore them, they slap me on the face. It’s a birthday where death and life are combined, a birthday where time has chosen a funeral to be the perfect set to test my emotions and fuel my endless longing to you. A time and a place where I see death and life giving birth to each other, to be offered a small taste of what I’ve always dreaded.The day where I saw your resemblance surrounding me, the day where time is amusing itself by placing me in front of your favorite uncle, to look into his eyes and see yours, to grasp for my breaths and find none, to drift with euphoric flooding memories, the day when time froze and my heart welcomed the sweet taste of life in the presence of death.
For the briefest moment I recalled the feeling of being alive and for few minutes I once again experienced what I thought I had forgotten, the feeling of a heartbeat, the once closed drawers of emotions are reopened and swallowing me in their whirlwind. The sudden burning sensation in my bones and the glimpse of your resemblance levitating me into heaven one more time. Out of all places and out of all the times, I’m facing the person who has your features and the one that his face carries the scent of yours. I’ve always wondered how will my heart endure your overpowering sight and how I’ll manage to stand still when everything in me scream with your name. The minutes with your resemblance sight is worth a life time in my life when the sight of your face lights my world and rejuvenates an aging heart. If the sight of your resemblance hit me with thunders then how shall I vanish in your presence?
I’m in love with you and in love with being in love with you, I’m imprisoned in time where your love outlives my breaths. How generous of you to give me my heart and nourish me with your enormous love, but without you I’m lifeless with missing parts of my heart. What will I do with a life that doesn’t include you? The death of old me is the birth of my new me, how painful was my death giving birth to the distorted new me, I've learned to die but I didn't learn to live.
